New Year's Eve came around. It was time to close out 2009 and enter into a new decade and a new me. Over the previous couple weeks, I had been chatting with this guy from DC. We talked via messenger, video chat (nothing dirty), and telephone. He happened to be coming to Atlanta for New Years, so he asked me to hang out with him. I was reluctant to go to Chaparral with him (his suggestion), but hey, he came here and asked me to hang out with him, so I was cool with it. I must have been feeling myself that night or something. I am SOOO not the 'hoe, but I was about to break my vow of celibacy just for New Year's (yes, another yella boy with big lips and muscles). So I get to the club and walk in to find Mr. "DC." When I find him, he introduces me to one of his friends. This little 19 year old boy, who I clearly see is more than a friend. So, if you're paying attention and have been following along, you will recognize that I just met yet another asshole. I mean, how are you going to invite two dudes out to come hang with you? I don't get into that Atlanta freakishness in which some of these guys participate (those days are far behind me). It was so obvious his preference for young, thin, dark boys like myself.
So now, my mood went from "drop it like it's hot" to "I know this nigga didn't" in 2.5 seconds. At least he was buying drinks. After the clock struck 12, I stayed for about a half hour longer. I was over it when the 19 year old with the look of love in his eyes pulled Mr. "DC" to the dance floor and held on like he too intended to "drop it like it's hot" later that night. I wasn't about to steal his joy. I already knew what it felt like to be young and pull a sexy older man. So like Whitney Houston, I bowed out and went home. I can't believe Mr. "DC" actually had this look like "you're going to leave us?" on his face when I said I was leaving. He's lucky I even gave him the courtesy of telling him I was about to bounce.
Now, we are officially into 2010, and the time of the asshole has officially ended. My club crew call me, and ask me to go to Vita with them. Ummm OF COURSE! I mean, it is New Years weekend, and guys have poured into town from all over. Now, I'm not a 'hoe (I think I've made myself quite clear on that by now), but I am a big, no HUGE flirt. I'll flirt with anyone, and my friends know my infamous "come 'ere boy." Yes, I will look at a boy and say "come 'ere boy" in a heart beat... and they come. After the last three assholes in as many months, I was not even thinking of meeting another dumb-ass, fake-ass, hoe-ass dude. I walked in the club high on life and having a great time drinking water and flirting with anyone who was cute. After a few cycles around the over crowded club, I needed more water. As I approached the bar, I saw HIM.
I don't know what it was about him (aside from being another tall, yella boy with big lips and muscles), but something just drew me to him. I had to say something, so I walked right up and told him "you're so handsome." I know, I know, it was a line, but it was so true, and it's all I could think to say to him. I mean, how do you approach one of the most beautiful men you have ever seen? I certainly wasn't going to walk up to him and say "Sup?" He was nice, but I think he took my introduction for a flirt. He kindly said thank you, you too and went about his conversation with his friend. Me, I wasn't the same after that.
Let's be perfectly clear; I live in Atlanta, Georgia. You can go to a club any night of the week and see fine, sexy men dripping from the cracks in the ceiling. They come a dime a dozen, so if that's what I wanted, I had plenty to choose from that night. However, something stayed on my mind with him. He seriously interrupted my flow. I couldn't even flirt the same after that brief encounter. So I'm following my friends around the club, and they end up back at the bar and HIM is still standing there. I had to check myself and see if I was just imagining things, so I decided to have another try. He was receptive, and we sat and talked for a while this time. We had an incredible conversation.
I have only had this feeling one other time in my life, but this time was even stronger. Everything seemed like it just clicked and something deep down in my soul told me this man is mean to be in your life, don't let him get away. So, before I walked away, I asked him for his number. His reply was shocking. He told me no. I was crushed. I mean, how can you sit and have this amazing conversation and really seem interested and then let it go just like that. He tells me, "I believe in fate. If it was meant that you should have my number, I'll see you again." WTF? Now, I'm really feeling badly, because my close friends know that since I moved to Atlanta three years ago, I really stopped going out to clubs. Until recently, I only went out two or three times a year. So, I'm thinking, damn, another one bites the dust. I return to my friends and I tell them, "I just met the man I'm going to marry." I think they thought I was just exaggerating, but I was serious. I don't know what came over me or what it was, but no one made me feel like that.
[>>] FFWD to MLK Weekend
To do it justice, this entire weekend deserves it's own blog entry, so look for "MLK Weekend 2010" in the near future. But I'll summarize by saying that I ran into HIM that weekend, and true to his word, as soon as he saw me, he whipped out his phone, took my number, and texted me his. We ended up having a date that Monday MLK day, and I have to say that it was the BEST DAY EVER!
So I won't get into the details of our dates and conversations, but I'll just say that this guy is amazing to me. Knowing him is a blessing, because he really has shown me what I have been missing all this time. He has taught me what I truly have been wanting from a man. I have been seeking a perfect gentleman, a prince. But all this time, I've been kissing frogs... and vain gym rats, and cokeheads, and drunken Asians... It's not for me to share anymore about him, but as time progressed, I learned more about him and I realize the reason he refused to give me his number the first time was that he wasn't willing or able to pursue a relationship at the time. He had been intermittent with returning my communiqués, and when I confronted him about it, he says,
"Well, c'mon, I've at least been responding at like 85%."
That statement really pissed me off, and the more I mulled it over, the angrier I got. In the back of my head, I was thinking, "I know this nigga didn't just say he was giving me 85%." I really respect him, and aside from this statement, and 85% hit or miss correspondence, he has treated me with the utmost respect. I wanted to make sure that I kept him in high esteem, so I decided to take another note from my girl Whitney Houston, and bow out (girl, you did it with that one). We will still see each other if that's what he's willing to do, but I'm going to be the gracious one and try to patiently wait for him to get it together. Now that doesn't mean I'm about to put my life on hold, but if he calls me up, I'm going to go out with him. He got the green light on the night we met.
That statement really pissed me off, and the more I mulled it over, the angrier I got. In the back of my head, I was thinking, "I know this nigga didn't just say he was giving me 85%." I really respect him, and aside from this statement, and 85% hit or miss correspondence, he has treated me with the utmost respect. I wanted to make sure that I kept him in high esteem, so I decided to take another note from my girl Whitney Houston, and bow out (girl, you did it with that one). We will still see each other if that's what he's willing to do, but I'm going to be the gracious one and try to patiently wait for him to get it together. Now that doesn't mean I'm about to put my life on hold, but if he calls me up, I'm going to go out with him. He got the green light on the night we met.
So what exactly is the moral of this long narrative?
Well, in a perfect world, I would never have spent my New Years with an asshole, and my prince charming would be mentally, physically, spiritually, or otherwise available for me 100% of the time. Unfortunately, that is not the case. However, we must always strive to make our world as perfect as it can be. In so doing, I treat him like he is my man before he is my man, so he can see what he is getting. I am as kind and caring and loving as I would be if we were together. Since I met HIM, I realized that I have to prepare for and be receptive to love. I took a look at the state of my life and asked myself a question that I'm sure he must have asked himself. Am I really ready for someone to come into my life right now? I mean, what do I really want? I nice house, two fancy cars, a dog, a kid or two, a life partner that is in it for the long haul, unconditional love, attention, affection, (great sex), financial stability. If he came today, would I be ready to start the rest of my life with HIM? For me, the answer is yes.
There is always some growth that two people do together, but for the most part, my life is in order enough to share it with someone. HIM will test everything that I believe in and that I'm made of. I believe patience is truly a virtue, so I must be patient and wait for him to get to the point where he feels he needs to be. I must be supportive of his wishes, because if he really was my man, I would have to offer him that same support through the good and bad times. HIM will test my faith. If you believe in something to the core of your soul and you let it go, will it really come back to you? I believe that you should know what you want, and now I do know what I want. I want HIM. Finally, I believe that you should never settle for anything less than what you want. For me, that means not settling for 85% when I know I give and am worth 100%.
