Today, I'm wearing my Red Ferrari Pumas, as I often do on days when I want to feel confident and empowered. The story behind the red shoes takes me back to 2005-2006 and the infamous Goldie (I change names to protect myself, because there are no innocent ones in this story). I normally consider myself a pretty strong person, but this was a time when I became weak, and fell victim to people who prey on the disadvantaged. I am not proud of some of the things I will write about, but I have no regrets, because each of my experiences have made me into the person I am today, and I love me. I have always wanted to write about this experience, because I think people can learn quite a bit from what I went through. There is plenty of back-story, but, I won't get into how we met right now. I will break this story up into a few chapters to keep down the length; it’s hard to fit nine months of juicy drama into a few pages.
Most (not all) of the guys I have dated, have been guys that I have known in passing socially before ever deciding to go on a date. Such is the case with Goldie of whom I had known for years. We didn’t really socialize, because his ex-boyfriend happened to be someone with whom I chose not to hang around. One day, Goldie and I had an encounter, and his eyes just lit up when he saw me. There’s just something about the feeling you get when an extremely attractive person seems to light up at the sight of you, like a confidence booster. I supposed I really needed the boost at the time, since I had just returned from a trip to San Juan. Although the trip was amazing, and in general, I had a spectacular time, the guy who I went on the trip with betrayed me. I had bought him a ticket to come with me as a college graduation present. San Juan was an opportunity for us to finally get close, yet he decided to use the time to hide his tongue down the back of some other dude’s throat in the middle of a club and then disappear with him the next day. Needless to say, after the trip, I was slightly fragile when it came to guys. Goldie’s interest was certainly welcomed.
"Hi Chris! Oh my God, man, it's been so long since I've see you," he said as he gave me a hug. We weren't really that close, but a lot of gay men hug each other when they greet. I actually was surprised to see him. Although it is the 4th largest city, Houston has a very small black, gay community, so most people know or have seen each other. Goldie was one of those guys I saw in the club every once in a while.
"Hey Goldie, yes, it has been a while. Where have you been," I asked as I bent slightly to hug him, since he was a couple inches shorter than me.
"I've been staying with my dad in Philly, but I just moved back to Houston..." He filled me in on his past year, talking to me as if he knew me very well. In the end, he told me that he had always thought I was cute, but was too shy to ever ask me out. So I offered, and said we should go out sometime soon. We exchanged phone numbers, and he went on his way.
We had talked on the phone a few times that week. To my surprise, he was a very nice guy. He said all the right things that made me think, he could be a match. Later that week, I met my best friend, John, out at a club premiere (there is always a new club opening in the wake of a not-so-old club closing). Goldie was there looking very handsome. I said to John, "you see him, over there in the tie? What do you think of him? We are going to go out on a date next week."
"Goldie?" He asked.
"Yes, you know him?"
"Watch out! You know he's a user, don't you?"
"I've been talking to him on the phone all week. I don't get that from him. He seems like a pretty cool person. He's really nice," I said in his defense.
"OK, if you say so. I'm just telling you what I know," and he let the subject go at that.
DING! DING! DING!: Let's take a timeout from this story for a quick lesson. One thing I love about my best friend is that he knows how far to take things. We never force opinions on each other, we just state the facts and let it be. We both know that we have to let each other live our lives, and all we can do is support each other. However, this is one of those moments where I wish with all of my heart that I could go back in time and listen to my friend. I would have avoided so much drama had I not been stubborn. Too many times, we see a cute boy who shows us a little interest, and all of a sudden, we are ready to get that feeling. We mentally prepare for that feeling by blocking anything that might interfere, especially good advice or our own common sense. During this time, I was unemployed and heavily investing in my own design firm. (I'm setting you up right now for a few more lessons learned.) We now return you to your regularly schedule program, already in progress.
So, the day comes when I am supposed to meet Goldie for lunch. He doesn't have a car, and he is staying with "a friend," so I go pick him up. I didn't really think too much about him not having a job either, because he had money. He had only been back in Houston for 2 weeks or so, so of course he still would be job hunting. All the same, he was sweet and paid for our lunch. After lunch, we went back to his place and just hung out. We listened to music and talked; it was a nice afternoon. I had such a nice time, that we ended up spending the next few days together doing the same routine (add some making out to that). Eventually, we got to the point where I had mentioned me being a photographer, and he got to the point where he mentioned that he used to be a stripper, but wanted to take some more photos, so we planned a shoot. We went all over 4th Ward Houston to some very beautiful areas and had a great time taking photos and getting to know more about each other. Those were the beautiful days. I'll never forget how much fun we had taking pictures in the rain.
A few weeks later, Goldie told me that he was having issues with his roommate. I couldn't understand why, since I had met the guy and he seemed pretty nice. According to Goldie, there was some jealousy, because he thought his roommate liked him. This started to make more sense to me, because I clearly could see how this would pose a problem. His "roommate" had some self esteem/self-image issues since he had recently had a gastric bypass. Although he was not fat anymore, you could see that he was still overweight. Gay men are vain, and I knew he wasn't Goldie's "type." What I wasn't paying attention to was the fact that this issue with his self esteem or self image was really a weakness. In retrospect, he probably allowed himself to bend to Goldie's will because he showed some interest and gave him a little attention. Goldie was incredibly adept at honing in on a person's weakness. (I did mention he was a stripper, right? Well, strippers know how to get what they want out of people). Now that I was in the picture, the roommate either wasn't getting the same kind of attention, or reality set in that his chances of getting with Goldie were incredibly slim to none. With that in mind, the roommate had given him until the end of the month (about a week) to find a new place. Goldie told me he didn't know what he was going to do; he had no place to go and was about to be homeless.
BREAK: Now this is the point in the story where some queen is reading along and says, "Oh Chile, please say it ain't so, no you didn't, NO YOU DIDN'T!" Well, yes. I did.
I can't say that I didn't know what I was thinking, because the fact is that I really wasn't thinking at all. I just saw someone nice who was in need, so I decided to help him out. That has always been my weakness (more blog entries to follow). I had an extra room in my house, so I told him he could crash there until he found a job and a place. Now, if you've been paying attention, you should be thinking to yourself, at what point was he actually actively looking for a job? He had been hanging out with me every afternoon. You also might have been thinking if he didn't have a job, where was he getting his money? If you weren't thinking these things, you're not alone, because I wasn't either! Two things that I learned right away; 1) you never really know someone until you live with them. 2) I learned just how little I knew about Goldie before I let him into my home. After dating for a little over a month, he was now living in my guest room (at least, that’s where he kept his belongings).
Until this point, all the time that we spent together was during the daytime, but now that he was with me all day, every day, I was starting to catch that feeling. No, I'm not talking about love and "not like crazy" (the kind that don't wash away with soap, thank you Jill Scott). I'm talking about stupid. I admit, I was weak, and I was starting to bend to his will just as the previous roommate had done. If he said let's do something, I was ride or die. When he wanted to go to the club, I said, OK, let's go! I was spending so much time with him that I was starting to neglect my own work. It got to the point where he actually had to remind me that I had work to do. When I was with him, time just didn't seem to exist, and I lost track of all sensibility. When I think back on it, I was so silly to let someone have so much control in my life. I even let him drive my car! Yes, I let him drive my car knowing he didn't have a job to pay for any damages should something happen (and it was a NICE car). The sad part is that this was not the first time, I fell victim to my own stupidity, but it was definitely a wakeup call.
Now, I have never claimed to be innocent, and one day, if I should ever decide to run for President, I'm sure people will try to use this entire blog against me. I believe in learning from life experiences, and I have learned plenty. I have smoked marijuana before, and I did inhale. I also tried Ecstasy (X-pills) on several occasions. I was young and recreationally enjoying my early-to-mid-20's. Aside from alcohol and a couple prescriptions, those are the only drugs I have ever done. There are some things that I just will not try, EVER (like crack, heroine, acid, meth, and a multitude of others). I don’t want anyone to think of my occasional indulgence as anything more than what it was. Those days are behind me anyway. However, one night, Goldie wanted to go out, and we both decided to do an X-pill together. That night, we went to a ghetto-fabulous club called Big Yo's, a place that has always been trouble for me, but you'll begin to understand that in another blog entry, so keep tuning in.
I’m not one to stay at Big Yo’s long, and Goldie and I were really feeling the pill, so we decided to go home and “enjoy” the effects. When we got back to the house, he pulled out this small baggie of white powder. Now, I wasn’t born yesterday; I know what cocaine is. And I won’t patronize you by pretending I had to tell you what it could possibly be. I had tried it twice, in fact. Two times enough to know that it really wasn’t my drug of choice. I was surprised however, that he even had it, since I didn’t realize he had picked it up. Apparently, he bought it when he bought the pills. After the two times that I did try it with some of my friends, I actually refused it when I was ever offered it again. It didn’t really do anything for me (probably because I usually tried it while I was rolling on an X-pill, so I didn’t notice the effects. But this was Goldie we were talking about. He offered, and I accepted. We ended up staying up all night and into the morning watching porn on the internet and having other private moments (use your imagination here).
PAY ATTENTION: This was a pivotal moment that everyone should take note of when dealing with drugs in their environment. It really doesn’t matter if you only use them occasionally, but by accepting, you are telling the other person that their behavior is okay regardless of how you really feel. I knew that I didn’t really like it, and I really wasn’t indulging in the drug use as much as I was indulging in the boy. But to him, I was indulging in the drug. In the perfect world, he would have known that I really only wanted him and his attention, but this world is not nearly perfect. This was the point where I set myself up for failure.
I’ll leave you here for the moment and pick up again next week with more of this story. Still to come:
- How did Goldie Really Make His Money?
- Meet the Parents
- The Hurricane
- Lesbian Crack Heads
- And much more…
